The inactivity of Bomula

Hello Farway people. As you may have noticed, I am not online much anymore. I do pop on occasionally, but usually not for long. I thought it is time you guys know why.

I've become depressed, and have broken down because of it. I'm going to copy-paste my story from the reddit depressed forums to here, so you know why I'm not coming online much in these times. ( http://redd.it/16znby for 'maybe' easier reading )

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Hello everyone. I don't know where to talk about this, so I decided to come here.
Here is the story; I am a 21 year old Danish guy, who basically have broken the heart of my girlfriend, and my own in the process.
Many years ago, I lost my childhood girlfriend in an accident, and the last time I saw her a machine kept her alive. She died shortly after my visit in the hospital, and I mourned her for about a year.
My parents have never been very supportive. They have given me a shelter, and food as I grew up. But they've never been 'there' for me. We stopped celebrating Christmas when I was just a boy, because it was too much a fuss for them. So I never celebrated Christmas with my family since then. On a vacation when I also were about 13-14 years old, my dad confessed that his life didn't go as planned. He never wanted to get married to my mom, and I wasn't supposed to be born. That information obviously broke my young heart. But this is just to give you an idea how my family is here.
But after my childhood girlfriend died, the only comfort I got from my parents was "grow up" and "what you felt was not true love". I know it don't sound like much, but again it broke my heart while I was mourning her. But then, about a year after her death, I was so lucky to meet a woman online called Louise.
I was still upset, and Louise comforted me. This became the start of a new romance for me. We spoke together over Skype almost everyday, and started to see eachother over webcam. We helped eachother when we were sad, and were a real comfort when something was upsetting us.
Time passed, and we grew very attached to each other. We obviously had a few arguments, like most healthy couples have. We also had a small break from each other, but in the end we always found back together.
We then decided to meet up for the first time. I had to travel with plane, as I am from Denmark, and she was from the UK - so we met up in London. As soon as we saw each other for the first time, it was like falling in love again. Not long after we met, we shared our first kiss.
When I had to go home, tears were rolling down her cheeks. I hugged her and promised everything will be all right. But I had to go home to finish my college.
We then decided that we'd move together, and start a new happy life together. When she suggested that, I was filled with a happy feeling I hadn't felt for many years. So I continued my studies with the happy thought of moving together with her in the UK, and leaving my family behind. All my life, I dreamed of starting my own happy family, and be a better parent than my own ever were to me.
Time went on, and she invited me to celebrate Christmas with her family in 2011. I accepted, as I never celebrated Christmas since I was a young boy. So when I got to see the happy home, filled with Christmas decorations, a Christmas tree.. And so many presents. I've never seen such a thing, except for in Christmas movies. I were so happy, and her family was happy with me.
Again, I sadly had to travel home to finish my studies. That's when things started to turn.
My family started to put pressure on me, saying things like "If you travel to her, you'll never get a good future" "you'll never get a prober education" "you won't be able to support her". They started mentioning it from time to time. As I am used to them being horrible to me, I didn't pay much attention to it.
Louise and I then found a nice apartment in London, and she handled the paperwork, while I stayed home finishing my studies, and earned a bit of money before we moved together. I the finished my exams, took a job, and waited.
During that time, my parents kept pestering me with the things they said before, and started to say that they believed that I wouldn't move at all.
Then something horrible happened. My bank with my lifesavings in stocks, went bankrupt. I lost most of my savings, and I had to tell Louise what happened. She understood the situation, and told me that it was alright if I moved in a little later, while I sorted out my bank business. After some time, I got my money back - but I was very emotional at the time, and I had lost about half of my lifesavings.
During that time, my parents started again; "you'll never be able to give Louise a good future".. And in the end, believed them.
I hid myself away, and Louise approached me to ask if I was sure I wanted to move in with her. And with my parents degrading words in my neck, I told her no.
I broke her heart that day. And I broke my own as well. I never told her how the situation really was. So I took a deep breath, and life carried on. But the regret filled me up for each day that went on. And after about 2 months, I broke down.
I tried to contact Louise, and I was desperate. Instead of telling her how the situation were, I told her things like "I still love you" and "please forgive me".
Now I am aware, that approach was the wrong one. I put a lot of pressure on her, and she was forced to block me from all social media I knew her on.
I broke down again, and cried like I've never cried before. I thought of the future I could have had, and I could have married to woman of my dreams. And could have lived in one of Europe's most exciting cities. Having children, and being a father. All of those dreams I had with her are gone.
I remember how she was practicing pronouncing my Danish surname, because she wanted to marry me. And now I weep thinking about it. Not only did I break her heart, but my own as well. And now I will never be able to tell her how things really were, and how I gave into the pressure from my parents.
And again, their support from my breakdown was "forget her, you'll never get her back." "You messed this up, it's your fault". Even my granddads suggestion were to just hang myself, because there is no way the feeling of regret will go away.
So here i am, I messed up my own future. I am sad, depressed, and I can't stop thinking about what I could have had if I didn't give in to the pressure. But what I am most sad about, is that I broke Louise's heart.
I don't like sleeping anymore, because I dream of the life I could have had every night in some way.
But that's my story. People tell me to move on, but it's hard. I have a hard time living with the regret in my heart. I want to reach out to her, but I can't anymore.
So, if you have someone you hold dear.. Keep him or her close to you. You don't know what you have before you lose it. All I have left I'd regret and depression.
-Ulrik

That's... an unbelivable amount of crap poured on one person.

I dunno wtf is wrong with most of people when they treat others like shit. Especially the kindest and most empathetic people seem to get it most. People who feed on misfortune of others and who are trying to press them down even more are one of the things I despise most in this world. The ones who hurt others on purpose and enjoy it.

BUT. You shouldn't let them ruin your life. Get your own apartment, move away and try again. Life gets better once you get away from a distressing environment and people. If they keep pestering you, then cut your ties with them. May sound cruel but if they do nothing than torture you like that there's no need to keep in touch imo.

Whatever you do, do NOT lose hope. Never say "never." If she's unaware of your situation and the reason you didn't move in with her it means she's probably thinking of some worst case scenarios about you which are not true. Anyone would be mad if their loved one suddenly seemed to turn their backs at them. But I'm sure she would understand in time if she at least knew why. And imo she deserves to know. Do you two have common friends? Could maybe tell her that way. Or travel to London again and try and go see her. Maybe that would convince her that you're not just talking and that you're serious.

But if you've already decided you leave it be, then I'll honor your decision nevertheless. Still I think it wasn't your fault, although you're blaming yourself. You were under huge pressure and stress, weren't thinking clearly, and you weren't yourself when you told her you're not going to go. You may not believe this right now but people can survive from insane things. Depression can be unbearable as hell (mildly expressed) but it won't last forever.

Whatever you decide to do you're not alone. We will all be here if you need us. Although you and me have never met irl I've still taken a great liking to you and I was frigging fuming in rage while reading your story, because some people are such dickfaces and I'm not close enough to punch them and hug you. ...and my tolerance isn't large enough to cover their way of life.

Oh, and all that talk about you not being able to obtain anything in life was also a big bunch of bullshit. You can achieve anything you want if you decide so and keep pursuing your goal without letting anyone to pull you down. If you start believing everything is in vain it'll become true. But it works to the other way around also.

*Cuddles Bom so hard he falls off chair and then cuddles some more that he can't get up from floor*

Hey Ulrik

As i said to you before and i will say it again, its a tough time for you mate i know it is. But you should also rise up and fight on, you always taught me that when times were tough for me Incas you had forgotten about the times i had with Leo and co in the past.

Thanks to you and your support i overcame that time. I know it's nothing compared to what has happened with you. I'm here for you as a friend and you know that people here also think highly of you.

So mate all i can say is keep fighting, overcome this, i know you can. You're not weak, even if sometimes you think you are. Trust me you're not


Take it easy friend and don't let this consume you, like i said before, it will only make you bitter and nasty in the end, then you won't find that dream which you want.


"huggles tightly aswell"

Don't give up!

Thank you, you two. The little spark of hope still burns inside me.

Times may be dark, but I've never been the type who gives up. I'll of course update you guys on whats going on, I'm actually fighting 'for my life' here. A better one that is.

I'll keep on fighting, and try get my smile back. But one step at a time.

I'd hate to be the bringer of bad news, but it isn't the end of my story.

After I went down with depression, my family obviously didn't care. So while I was trying to recover, my parents decided to report me to the Danish goverment for being unemployed and without an income. So I got a letter some days ago, that tells me I have to show up for a meeting the 1st or the 4th of February.

The goverment then want to 'help' me by giving me money, while I try and find a job. Well, the bad thing is I'm not allowed to leave the country when that happens. And I litterly live in a 1-horse town, without a car. And there is no jobs here, so I'm screwed. things aren't looking good anymore. They are going to imprison me in my own country.

Heh, I should have called this thread 'The rise and fall of Bomula'.

Are you sure your parents aren't demons in human form? -.-;

Aren't you allowed to move away from the country before they start giving you money? Do you have any savings? Or can't you move into a bigger city and start from scratch there? Don't you have any friends who could give you a ride and who would let you sleep in their apartment until you find a job?

Sounds to me like any other place would be better than your current one. Run away, hitchhike to the capital and keep asking job from every store you can see. >:O *flails excitedly*

Wow... often I think Finland sucks but at least you're free to go and come however you like. If you're unemployed they'll offer you some work before long and you have to take it or they won't give you money anymore. And if you told about your parents to the officials here, an apartment would be given to you just so that your family couldn't screw with your life anymore.

...move here for a while? With Xon? xD

I'm currently working hard on a solution!

The solution is to make Louise understand, and so I get a chance to speak to her again. I got VERY little time to do so - You see, if I move away. I'm free to go. If I have a so called 'purpose', then I don't have to show up.

The only problem is, the few mutual friends I have left that knows Louise, don't want to compromise their friendship with her by being a messenger from me. *Sigh*

Maybe I should try bashing my heels together three times and wish myself away.

I never thought I would end in a crisis like this, where almost every factor is against me. I just need to establish a connection to Louise again, and explain to her what happened. Hopefully she will have the heart to understand. I mean, we had the most amazing relationship for 3 years. She even asked me the Christmas 2011 if I wanted to buy her a ring, jokingly. I would have done, if I had more money at the time.

Those feelings can't just vanish - right?